I went to the river today with my husband, as we ironed out some issues we’ve been with I was overwhelmed to see that we have again, grown to another level and more so to the point how HE has grown.
I noticed how our language is so different with each other these days conscious, considered. We do not come from a place of blame, more from a place of understanding. We have to hold space for each and challenge each other in respectful way so we can learn what needs to be learned … and we are very conscious of our thinking, ensuring we do not start to play out any victim roles.
The awareness of our ego is far from perfect but it’s really good and we really do managed to quickly turn any issues around so we can see the lessons. 20 years together, time, or age does not create this peace. This is only created from the art of deep personal work and commitment to growing our conscious awareness.
… it’s not been easy though, changing habits that are so common and so conditioned into our culture! EXPECTATIONS, JUDGEMENT & BlAME were my power play especially, when I was in my 20’s. Drama would unfold over the simplest of stuff from, loading the dishwasher to cleaning the car!!
For me it was my choice to choose the conscious path 12 years go, but it wasn’t Harry’s! There was a lot of resistance on Harrys part, However, to keep us together in this relationship about 5 /6 years ago he saw that he too had to change old patterns and beliefs to keep up with my changes. I honour and respect him for making that choice, but I learned it had to be HIS choice in HIS time!!
Sometimes I just wished he’d catch up, but that was my ego! I realised a few years ago (when he learned to communicate his real feelings with me) that I was putting a lot of pressure on him. he said something very deep that has stayed with me…
“Lou, you’re amazing at what you do and I do respect it, I don’t fully understand it, but I do see how powerful it is, and I am learning and I’m trying to do this work, I watch you and I learn, but I feel that you don’t see how much I am changing , just when I’ve caught up to your next level of thinking, you’ve moved on and you expect me to understand and it’s hard for me to keep up sometimes’
I recall that moment so often…
wow this man really had been trying to grow his awareness and it was never quite enough for me…. I always expected him to be where I was and that can be the same for so many of us who learn and expect others to be where we are… but it’s unfair, harry would never expect me to code a website like he can why was I expecting him to learn about conscious awareness at the same rate as me!!
Every day I see his consciousness grow in his way, and he is In fact MY GREATEST TEACHER, his self awareness is inspiring. And I’m so honoured to walk this path with him.
… it’s not an easy path being the scientifically minded partner of a medicine woman who is always on a mission and loves change . And for me, it’s not always easy being with someone who Likes the comfort zone and normality… … but it’s effortless. it really is.
it’s worth shedding your need to be right, your need to be a victim , your need to win … and look at how you can grow … not just with partners but with all the people in our lives ….
thank you Ian Harris for being open to change, for allowing me to challenge you, for holding space for me as I shift for always doing your best and for all the love
edited version
Today, my husband and I went to the river, taking the opportunity to address some of the issues we’ve been facing. I was truly overwhelmed by the realisation that we have once again reached a new level in our relationship, particularly in observing his personal growth.
I’ve noticed that our communication has evolved significantly in recent times, becoming more conscious and thoughtful. We approach each other without blame, striving to understand one another. We make a conscious effort to hold space for each other and respectfully challenge one another, as this allows us to learn the lessons we need to learn. We are both aware of the importance of our thinking patterns and strive to avoid slipping into victim roles.
Although we are far from perfect in managing our egos, we have become adept at swiftly turning any issues around and extracting the valuable lessons from them. It’s worth noting that this sense of peace and harmony in our relationship isn’t a result of the mere passage of time or our age. It is the outcome of the deep personal work we have undertaken and our unwavering commitment to expanding our conscious awareness.
However, I must acknowledge that it hasn’t been an easy journey. Breaking free from the deeply ingrained habits of our culture has proven challenging. In particular, I used to exert power through EXPECTATIONS, JUDGMENT, and BLAME, especially during my 20s. The simplest tasks, such as loading the dishwasher or cleaning the car, would often spiral into unnecessary drama.
While I made the conscious choice to embark on this path twelve years ago, the same couldn’t be said for Harry. Initially, he resisted the changes I was making. However, around five or six years ago, he realised that in order to maintain our relationship, he too needed to let go of old patterns and beliefs. I deeply honor and respect his decision to make that choice, but I’ve also learned that it had to be his choice in his own time.
At times, I found myself wishing he would catch up to where I was, but I now realise that was my ego speaking. A few years ago, when Harry began openly expressing his true feelings to me, he made a profound statement that has stayed with me ever since.
“Lou, you are amazing at what you do, and I do respect it. I may not fully understand it, but I recognise its power. I am learning and trying to do this work. I observe you and learn from you. However, I feel that you don’t see how much I am changing. Just when I’ve caught up to your current level of thinking, you’ve already moved on, expecting me to understand. It’s challenging for me to keep up sometimes.”
That moment remains vivid in my memory…
It struck me deeply that this man had been sincerely striving to expand his awareness, even though it never seemed quite enough for me. I always expected him to be where I was, which is a common expectation among those of us who grow and anticipate others to do the same. But it’s unfair. Harry would never expect me to code a website like he can. So why was I expecting him to progress in conscious awareness at the same rate as me?
Every day, I witness Harry’s consciousness evolving in his unique way, and he has become my greatest teacher. His self-awareness is truly inspiring, and I am immensely grateful to be walking this path with him.
It’s not an easy journey to be the scientifically minded partner of a medicine woman who is constantly on a mission and embraces change. Likewise, for me, it isn’t always smooth sailing to be with someone who finds comfort in the familiar and the normal. However, our connection is effortless—it flows naturally.
It is absolutely worth shedding the need to be right, the need to be a victim, and the need to win.