Autumn sun rays flickering through the gaps in the temporary falling down curtains, I stir from the deep dream state, vivid and profound visions still stunting my mind.
I feel an unexpected little body close to mine and in a second my unconsciousness begins to clutch at the moment, a gasp of breath holds my chest, as if its was my last breath savouring that moment, a moment to hold onto. in the haze of my sleepy state a wave of sacredness overwhelms me that hits me deep inside.
I feel her soft skin next and smile inside, the way the her tiny sleeping body spoons mine, the warmth of her breath on my neck, little leg draped over my hip in such a protective manner. My guardian angel, in her tiny human body, the juxtaposition of my youngest child’s position in my life.
I am so aware, these moments are few and far between, no longer do I wishing she would just go back into her own bed, those days have gone, she is 4 years old, no longer a baby.
In that moments I understand that the clutching breath was just my realisation washing into the for front; Over time our physical connection and the vitality of skin to skin will fade. She will no longer sneek into my bed in the middle of the night, unaware of her craving and need to bond with my body and my soul as only a mother and very young innocent daughter can.
Unto her own bonds, her needs for and her ability to connect with other humans is what I have been subcoioustly preparing her for, ties will simply be the infinite knots of our invisible ties – the unbreakable bonds of mother and daugher, the bonds that will connect beyond body, beyond time, place, beyond death.. the rope that transmits feelings and knwoings in the stillness of moments…
Since she was born, I always felt she was my angel, my gudian angle, her old soul has an air of authorty and nurture, she has been here before, i knew that the say she was born.